How to Break Generational Relationship Patterns
Updated: Oct 2, 2022
Hi everyone, we’ve got a great topic to discuss this week! In this post we are going to dive into how the relationships we saw growing up effects our present and future romantic partnership. Also we’ll discuss a few simple ways to break generational relationship patterns. Let’s get to it!
Let’s all think back for a second. For the most of us, the first romantic relationship we were exposed to was our parents or someone in our immediate family. That being said, a large majority of couples (especially our older generations) did not show some of the must have qualities of a healthy relationship towards each other. Qualities like: respectful communication skills, affection, loyalty and love. We are not saying that it’s not possible to exist in a relationship without these qualities but existing is all that will be taking place, not truly living and indulging in a loving partnership.
Tip: Read about "The journey of growth in a relationship"
Generational relationship patterns that we need to break
When it comes to influencing a child, the smallest things can have the biggest impact. Things like seeing your parents walk into the kitchen in the mornings for breakfast, sit down to eat and walk out the door without ever saying a word to each other. What about never seeing an adult couple in the family have a loving conversation with each other without one talking over the other, which caused an argument.
It’s so easy for kids to pick up on some, if not all of these traits. If we look closely, many of us have bought these same generational relationship patterns with us into our adult lives and into our relationships. Bringing these toxic traits into our relationships is not fair to our loving partners. Once we recognize these generational relationship patterns within ourselves. it’s in our power as responsible individuals to change it, not only for yourself but for the one you love.
Loyalty is another trait that is sometimes absent in relationships we were exposed to as kids. When we mention loyalty, we are not only talking about physical infidelity. An absence of loyalty can be things like: both parents agree on not giving their kids candy today and when one parent is alone with the kids they decide to give them candy anyway and tell the kids to not tell the other parent. This can lead to a child thinking it’s ok to lie or withhold the truth from their partner.
Tip: Read about "How being transparent can help you build and keep a loving relationship"
Showing affection seems to be one of the most overlooked traits of all that’s missing from a lot of relationships. It is very rare to find parents that show affection in front of their kids. Things like holding hands and even respectful flirting (keep it G rated) can be very healthy for kids to see. By not growing up with this trait inside the home or having it around somewhere close by, it can lead to becoming very closed off emotionally which affects the physical interactions between a couple.
Above are just a few examples of generational relationship patterns picked up during childhood that may possibly be having damaging effects to current relationships. The good news is: they can be stopped in their tracks!
First, find a quite place where you can be alone and make a list of good and bad traits you see within yourself that you may have brought into your current relationship. Remember: when making this list you must be 100% honest with yourself! Once the list is made, sit down with your partner and begin to discuss each trait in detail. Decide as a couple which traits should stay and which ones should go in order to maintain a healthy relationship. For this portion, transparency is the key!
Toxic generational relationship patterns can be stopped, it just takes honesty and the willingness to change!
Tip: Read about "4 core qualities that are a necessity in a true love relationship"
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